How to Choose a Good Collaborative Attorney for You

Once you have researched or gotten some suggestions for a possible Collaborative attorney for your divorce (or other legal issue), you need to meet with the candidate or candidates and decide which is the right one for you.

When you make an appointment to meet with the attorneys, you should plan ahead  what you want to discuss and what you are looking for. Here are some suggestions.

1.  Ask about their experience.  How long have they been doing Collaborative cases?

• When did they start doing Collaborative cases?
• Why do they like Collaborative Law?
• How many Collaborative cases have they had?
• How much training have they attended?
• How they spoken at seminars or Collaborative meetings?
• Are they active in Collaborative Law organizations?
• Have they handled cases like yours in the Collaborative process?

If they have not handled many cases or been to much training, they may try to talk you out of using Collaborative Law. That's usually a sign that they are not sincere about using Collaborative Law. Try someone else.

2.  Ask about their view on Collaborative Law.  If they claim to use Collaborative but don't believe your case would be appropriate, get a second opinion. Unfortunately, some attorneys say they do Collaborative Law, but haven't been trained. Those attorneys try to draw in business and then switch clients to litigation. If an attorney says Collaborative Law is his or her first preference, that is probably a good choice.

3.  Talk about the cost for attorneys and the process.  Collaborative cases can actually save you some money, compared to costs for litigation with big fights. Having a child specialist do the preliminary work with the parents on a parenting plan is much cheaper and a better result than having two attorneys working on it simultaneously. Likewise, delegating the preliminary financial work to a single financial professional produces a better product at a smaller cost than a litigation  approach with formal discovery.

4.  Keep in mind that neither process is "cheap".  If you have significant issues, there is no bargain rate possible in any legal process.  Still, you can reduce the costs somewhat by working together as a Collaborative team.

5.  Your most important consideration:  Chemistry.

• Make sure you feel comfortable with your attorney.
• You need someone who listens to you well.
• The attorney should be able to communicate well and explain things to you.

Pay attention to your gut feeling about working with the attorney.

How to Find Information on Collaborative Attorneys

Getting Started
If you are facing divorce and either you or your spouse became interested in the Collaborative divorce process, one of your first tasks is to find a Collaborative attorney to represent and assist you.

Where to Find Names
Typically, your introduction comes from researching the Internet, receiving a referral from a friend or trusted professional or from a list of suggested names of nearby Collaborative attorneys. That can come from your spouse who may have met with a Collaborative attorney or from an attorney suggesting the names.

Get Local Information
It is getting easier to find information online about the process and about Collaborative lawyers in your area.  Make sure your searches are limited to your area. California and Texas Collaborative practitioners have some differences in how they handle cases. Be sure when you do online searches that you add in your state and city or county so you can get information and referrals that fit your situation.

What if You Get a List of Names
If your spouse goes first to see a Collaborative attorney, he or she may leave with a list of trained and active Collaborative attorneys who could be good attorneys for you to choose from.

• That's a good thing. It does not mean that the attorneys would work against you because they are friends with the first attorney. 
• The list is probably good attorneys who have a history of working well with the first attorney. That's good for you because it improves your chances of getting your case peacefully settled.
• Many times, lawyers are members of a "practice group" of attorneys and other professionals who are well trained, experienced and dedicated to helping clients divorce peacefully while protecting their rights.

Can You Use Someone Not on a List?

Of course, but you want to make sure they are trained and they would be a good fit for you.

The Next Step

When you have some attorneys' names, do some research online and learn something about each one. Then you need to meet them.

For tips on choosing a good Collaborative lawyer, please see my next blog post for February 1, 2020.

What Should You Do if Your Spouse Gives You a List of Suggested Attorneys for a Collaborative Divorce?

Although you might be tempted to run hard in the opposite direction, this is not a bad or scary thing. You may not want a divorce, but if your spouse wants it, a divorce will be granted eventually. The list you receive may be the key to having a good experience, or at least making the best out of a situation you don't want.

1.  What does the list mean? Don't worry, you're not in danger.  It clearly indicates that your spouse is planning to or has filed for divorce. It also means that your spouse wants to try to be civilized about the uncoupling.

2.  Should you feel surprised?  Probably not.  There may have been discussions recently or over a period of time.  At the very least, there have likely been problems between the two of you. If you think about it, you may remember signs that things weren't going well.

     Regardless of whether your are surprised, you need to protect yourself.

3.  So, what should you do?  (Multiple Choice time!)

a.  Accept the list and check them out.

b.  Do your own research on line.

c.  Ask friends or counselors or attorneys to recommend  a Collaborative attorney.

d.  Take a little time to assess the situation.

e.  All of the above.

And the correct answer is "e".

4.  Check out the names on the list. They do not work with your spouse's attorney.  They are all independent and each would only represent your interests. They would have no connection to your spouse.

Once you learn a little about Collaborative Law, you will understand that it helps you to have an attorney who knows, gets along with and has successfully worked with, the other side's attorney. 

If you are in the Collaborative process, you want two lawyers who can work together to reach an agreement without creating stress, animosity or excessive costs. You want a peaceful resolution.  It takes two special lawyers.

Final Word:  If you are too uncomfortable to use the names on your list, feel free to search for another trained Collaborative attorney. Check their experience and make sure they actually have handled a number of Collaborative cases.  Unfortunately, there are some attorneys who claim to be Collaborative who always find a reason to talk people out of using Collaborative.  If someone tries that with you, go see another Collaborative attorney.  You will be much better off.

How to Find an Experienced Collaborative Attorney

If you are about to start a divorce proceeding and are considering using Collaborative Law, or if your spouse wants you to consider Collaborative Law, you need to think about finding a good Collaborative attorney to represent you.

Referrals and searching on line:
Two obvious starting points are to ask friends, acquaintances or professionals for recommendations or to research on line.  If you get some possible names as referrals, you should naturally check them out on line.

What to look for on line?

• Whether they are a Board Certified Specialist in Family Law.
• Whether the web site contains helpful information on Collaborative Law.
• How long the attorney has been practicing Collaborative Law.
• Whether the web site clearly shows how and why Collaborative Law should be used.
• See what groups they are members of.  It's a good sign if they are members of Collaborative Divorce Texas, the state organization, and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, the international organization.  Both groups promote education and the practice of Collaborative Law and their web sites have good explanatory information about Collaborative Divorce practice.

Referrals and on line searches are good starting points, but it will still be necessary to meet in person with a prospective attorney. An essential element in choosing an attorney is chemistry.  You have got to have a good feeling about the attorney and part of that comes from how well the attorney listens and communicates with you.

In addition, you are probably better off if you work with an experienced Collaborative lawyer.

When you meet with a prospective lawyer, here are some topics you might discuss:

• How long has the attorney practiced Family Law?
• How long has the attorney practiced Collaborative Law?
• How many Collaborative cases has the attorney handled?
• Is the attorney Board Certified as a Specialist in Family Law?
• How often does the attorney get continuing legal education in Collaborative Law?
• Does the attorney speak at Collaborative Law trainings?
• Has the attorney had leadership roles in Collaborative or Family Law organizations?

Those issues will help you find out if the attorney has been actively participating in Collaborative Law and for how long.

Fortunately, there are a number of good, experienced Collaborative attorneys around.  

Once you have found some with experience, you can decide based on your intangible gut feeling.  If you feel good chemistry and communication, it's probably the right person to hire.

The Value of an Experienced Lawyer

Although it might seem obvious, an experienced lawyer brings a lot to the table that a less-experienced lawyer may not be able to match.  There are certainly very good less-experienced lawyers around, but here are some things to look for when you are choosing a lawyer to help with a Collaborative Law case.

1.  Knowledge of the law.  The experienced lawyer will thoroughly know the general Family Law provisions, but will also have a good working knowledge of Collaborative Law.  A less-experienced lawyer may not have had many Collaborative cases and may not be as comfortable in various phases of the process.

2.  Knowledge of what options to consider. An experienced lawyer knows what options are available and can help you decide how to proceed.  Collaborative Law won't work for every case, but it's always worth considering. 

3.  Experience with various approaches in the past.  There are slightly different ways to start a case and different ways to get the spouse to sign on to the Collaborative process. An experienced Collaborative attorney will know for different courses of action what the benefits may be, what problems may arise and what unplanned results may occur.  The experienced lawyer can't anticipate everything, but can help prepare for many things.

4. Comfortable working with the other professionals.  An experienced Collaborative lawyer will be used to working with the neutral professionals and understands their value.  That means the attorney is able to turn over portions of the work to the other professionals, knowing they will do a good job

5. Comfortable working with the other attorney in a non-traditional role.  In litigation, attorneys are strictly adversaries.  In the Collaborative process, they work cooperatively and that is difficult for some attorneys until they have enough cases that it becomes "normal".

6.  Knowledge of negotiating skills.  While some litigating attorneys are also   good negotiators, most often they are not well trained in negotiating.  They have to re-learn negotiating based on the interests of the parties, rather than by staking out extreme positions and negotiating toward a middle point, like car buyers and sellers do.  Focusing on the interests and needs of the parties can result in much more satisfying agreements for both parties.

7.  Knowledge of communication skills.  An experienced Collaborative attorney usually learns a great deal about communications.  It starts with how to analyze the situation, including the relations between the parties and their styles of communication.  The experienced attorney can help you learn what to say to your spouse, how to say it and what not to do.  It would have been nice to know that at the start of the marriage, but it also helps now because there will always be some connection between you and your ex-spouse.

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When it's time to hire a Collaborative lawyer, you should shop around and find an experienced Collaborative lawyer you are comfortable with.  My next post will talk about how to tell if the attorney has good experience that will help your case be successful.

Comparison Shopping for Attorneys

When people are considering filing for divorce, they usually start to think about  hiring an attorney. Unless someone knows a family law attorney or has had experience with many attorneys, it may be hard to get started in choosing one. For the people who may feel a little lost, here are some tips on how to find a good lawyer to help you with your case.

You may want to consider the following when researching attorneys:

1. Experience.  You probably want someone who has handled cases similar to yours in the past.  While each case is different, and outcomes may vary from case to case, it does make a difference if the attorney has worked on the same or similar issues in the past.

2.  Chemistry.  This is something that you may or may not feel after talking and meeting with the prospective attorney.   If you are uncomfortable with or dislike the attorney, do yourself (and the attorney) a favor and walk away.  On the other hand, if the attorney listens well to you, speaks in language you understand and appears concerned about you, that might be a good attorney for you.

3.  Information Available.  Does the attorney provide information for you, either in person, on the web site or by sending information to you?  Can you learn about the process you are starting into?  You are probably better off if you have more information available so you can mentally and emotionally prepare for what's ahead.

4.  Location.  In Collaborative cases, location is not too big of an issue.  Usually, I recommend having an attorney in the same county.  There usually is not much reason for the attorney and client to meet frequently at the attorney's office during a case. When a Collaborative case starts up, the professionals and clients usually pick the most convenient place to meet and schedule meetings for that location.  That decision is affected by where all the professionals office and where the parties live and work.  Considering all that, the meeting locations usually can be convenient for all.

5.  Cost.  Unfortunately, no attorney can give a guarantee of the total cost of the process.  You can find out the attorney's hourly rate and retainer amount, as well as get a general idea of what the other professionals will likely need for retainers.  You should remember that experienced attorneys will probably be more efficient than less experienced ones, but there won't be a great deal of difference.  Overall, the differences in cost between attorneys will not be substantial.


There is more information available than ever before about attorneys through the internet and various means of advertising. Still the most important step in hiring an attorney is a face-to-face meeting to check each other out.

One Final Word:   Ask the attorney how many Collaborative cases he or she has has handled through completion.  If they have not done any, there is likely a problem.  If the attorney you are meeting with tries to talk you out of using Collaborative Law, that attorney is probably not a real Collaborative lawyer.  Some lawyers advertise that they do Collaborative Law, but they always talk prospective clients out of using the Collaborative process. If you are interested in a Collaborative divorce, you need to talk to a real Collaborative attorney.

Do You Really Need a Lawyer?

I recently read a divorce article  on line that I really disagreed with. The premise was that smart people didn't need to hire a lawyer to get a divorce.

The author was probably basing her ideas on how divorce works in California.  It may work there, but I still see lots of problems with DIY.  Even in California with their regimented divorce process, there are still many cases where Collaborative Law can be very beneficial.  Here in Texas, there are even more reasons to hire a lawyer and use Collaborative Law.

1.  Texas divorce forms alone are not sufficient in complicated cases.  Where there are children, you want to have enforceable and appropriate orders for access, support and decision-making.   Just taking a chance with on line forms is not a good idea.  If your order isn't drawn correctly, it's worthless at best and potentially harmful to your interests.

2.  It is very common for a party negotiating without an attorney, to get bullied or bluffed into making a very bad agreement.  It could be paying too much or receiving too little support or not getting proper value for some assets or giving up rights unnecessarily.

3.  Incorrect assumptions are often made, to the serious detriment of one of the parties.  In Texas, for example, there's no automatic 50-50 division of assets or liabilities.   Also, retirement assets may be community property which generally should be divided, but they may include some separate property that was earned prior to marriage.  Plus, how do you deal with a house that's just in one party's name?  You need lawyers to help with these issues.

4.  Few couples can work through these problems just on  their own or with a therapist or financial professional.  Mediators can help some, but mediators can't give legal advice.  No matter how smart a person is, a lawyer is important when there are hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars at risk. Most people benefit from the team of professionals used in Texas:  two attorneys, one neutral mental health professional and one neutral financial professional.

5.  You can't rely on a Judge to correct any mistakes you make in negotiating an agreement.  Judges can't give legal advice and they generally won't point out your mistakes unless something is clearly illegal.

Best bet:  talk to a Collaborative lawyer before you start. Discus the different process options  for working out the terms of your divorce. You may decide to do it yourself, but you also find out that you need help.  It's better to discover that at the beginning rather than post-divorce when you are having problems.

Advantages of Using an Experienced Collaborative Law Attorney

There are getting to be a number of trained Collaborative Law attorneys in Texas and other places.  That's good because it gives clients more to choose from.  On the flip-side, it's sometimes hard for a party to figure out who to hire to help them through the process.

In a previous post, I wrote about how to choose an experienced Collaborative attorney.  Here are some reasons why you should want to hire an attorney with good Collaborative experience.

• Experienced attorneys start to recognize and understand different personality types.  This helps them in dealing with the parties in a case.  

• Attorneys with extensive Collaborative experience naturally have experience and confidence in the other team members.  Over time, Collaborative attorneys tend to work with the same attorneys and other professionals in different cases -- not in every case, but often.  That helps the professionals trust each other and work together effectively.

• With experience, attorneys become able to recognize problems early on.  They can then work with the other professionals to stop problems before them get too big.

• After a while, experienced attorneys begin to learn effective ways to resolve stand-offs.  Occasionally, parties will start to get stuck in negotiating and they would have a hard time working out a solution without the attorneys and other professionals.  Experienced Collaborative attorneys have often seen such problems before and usually can help the parties work their way out of the difficulty. 

• Experienced Collaborative attorneys are more understanding of their own clients.  The attorneys are often more sensitive to the feelings and concerns and can more readily help their clients when they start to get down or upset. 

If you are considering trying a Collaborative divorce, you should carefully examine the experience and training of the attorneys who practice Collaborative Law.  Getting one who is very experienced will pay off in the long run.

How to Tell Whether an Attorney is Experienced in Collaborative Law

As more people decide to give Collaborative a try in resolving their family law issues, clients are faced with having to choose among a number of attorneys who say they practice Collaborative Law.  Naturally, some attorneys have more Collaborative experience than other attorneys.

For the record, there is no "certification" for Collaborative Law in Texas.  If you see a claim that someone is "certified" in Collaborative Law in Texas, that attorney or other professional does not know what they are talking about.  You should look elsewhere for your representation.

In a later post, I will explain the advantages of using an experienced Collaborative attorney.  For now, I want to explain how to tell whether the attorney has good Collaborative experience.

Here are some things to look for:

1. Active work in Collaborative Law for a number of years. Someone who just got trained in the last year or two may be a good Collaborator, but would probably be better with experience. There's no substitute for having handled a lot of cases. This also shows a commitment to using the process.

2. Extensive training.  All Collaborative lawyers should have an initial two-day training to get the basics down.  Afterwards, attorneys should get training about every year.  There is no legal requirement for that, but training matters and getting advanced training helps with skills.

3. Speaking at public or training events.  This is another clue about who is keeping up to date and who knows about the field.  You can usually find this on web sites.

4. Leadership.  Someone who has acted as a leader in Collaborative Law groups and activities shows commitment to the use and expansion of the process.

5. Being a though leader.  Someone who writes about Collaborative Law usually understands the process, the problems, strategies and solutions.  Prospective clients also can read what has been written and decide if they like the attitude and approaches of the writer.

Looking for these signs will help you identify whether an attorney is an experienced Collaborative attorney.

Location, Location, Not Location!

The famous saying about real estate is that the most important factor for real estate is location, location, location.  It can also be a factor in choosing a lawyer, but in Collaborative cases, location of a lawyer may not make much difference.  Here's why.

1.  In choosing a lawyer for a Collaborative case, people usually start off wanting to hire someone who is convenient.  However, convenience is relative.  In Collaborative cases, meetings occur wherever the parties want them to be.  I have had cases with all the meetings at my office, other cases with all the meetings at the other attorney's office and other cases where we met at the mental health professional's office or the financial professional's office.  I even had one where we met out of town at the office of an attorney who was not involved in the case. In other cases, we alternated between the offices of the two attorneys.  We always discuss where we want to meet and the parties get to approve the location.

     In reality, my client rarely comes to my office after the initial visit or two.  Most of the rest of the communication is by phone or email.

     I regularly represent clients from all over the county, from the Northeast to far Southwest, from far North to Mansfield and Arlington  and from far West Fort Worth (or Parker County) to far East or Southeast Tarrant County.  Occasionally, I will have a client from Downtown  Fort Worth or the central city of Fort Worth. I think that's the way most Tarrant County attorneys are.

2.  From my experience and observation, I have found experience and chemistry as more important factors in selection of attorneys. Clients want someone who has handled similar matters and knows what to do.Clients also want someone they feel comfortable with.

Conclusion:  Choose an attorney you know or like, but don't worry too much about the location.  That gets sorted out when the Collaborative case starts up.

Choosing a Collaborative Lawyer: Why Training is Important

If you are trying to decide which Collaborative attorney to hire, you are probably looking at web sites and blogs to get information and to find out about the knowledge and experience of various attorneys.  There are many trained Collaborative Law attorneys to choose from in Tarrant County.  You do need to meet one or more in person to try to determine if the attorney's style fits well for you. 

Another factor to consider is the attorney's experience in continuing education.  Does the attorney regularly attend trainings to improve his or her Collaborative skills?  Here's why that's pretty important.

• Collaborative Law techniques have changed over time and continue to change.  New ways of doing things are tried out and the changes can improve the outcome for everyone.  If the attorney doesn't attend significant training on a regular basis, the attorney will not have current skills and may not be as helpful as an updated attorney.

• Forms and paperwork evolve.  Over the years, there have been significant changes in the paperwork used in the process.  In Texas, we have developed some of the best forms and procedures anywhere.  They are copied by Collaborative attorneys around the world.  We don't sit still and just keep using the same old forms.  We update them and share the information in trainings.  

• Collaborative skills need constant reinforcement.  Collaborative practice is so different from litigation, the old standard approach, that it is necessary to regularly go back for more training to refresh and remind us about the best ways to work together.  Without attending regular trainings, it is easy to slip back into old, bad habits from litigation.  Clients will get a smoother process and better results with attorneys who believe in continually updating and improving their skills.

So, when you are shopping around for a Collaborative attorney, pay attention to whether the attorney frequently attends Collaborative training.  For bonus points, find out if the attorney also lectures about Collaborative Law.  You want to get a well qualified attorney who can work well with you.

How to Pick a Collaborative Attorney

If you have decided that you want to use Collaborative Law for your divorce, you will need to hire a Collaborative attorney. That's not necessarily an easy step because not all attorneys are trained in Collaborative Law.  You want to make sure you start off with a trained, experienced Collaborative lawyer.

Here are some quick keys for how to find and hire a Collaborative attorney.

1.  Make sure the attorney is actually trained in Collaborative Law.  An attorney, and the other professionals involved, actually need to have attended at least a two-day "basic training".  Some attorneys will try to claim that they can handle the case without it, but they will not do a good job for you.  In addition, the attorney should regularly attend trainings to continually update their skills.  From my observations over more than 10 years of Collaborative work, it is clear that the practice has evolved and changed over the time.  Attorneys need to keep up with new ideas.

2.  If an attorney tries to talk you out of Collaborative Law right off the bat, get a second opinion.  Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of "bait and switch" attorneys who advertise that they handle Collaborative cases even though they usually haven't been trained. If someone comes in and wants to use Collaborative Law, the attorney immediately starts telling them all the reasons why it would be inappropriate.  If you get that treatment, get a second opinion.

3.  Ask about the attorney's experience in Collaborative Law cases.  Ask how long they have done Collaborative work.  Ask them to tell you some stories about how they got some good outcomes from it.  Ask what they like about Collaborative Law.  An experienced attorney can easily answer those questions.  A bait and switch attorney can't.

4.  Location.  Generally, you need a local attorney, from the county where you reside.  If there aren't many Collaborative attorneys in your county, check for an adjacent county.  Don't worry about where the attorney's office is.  I've had cases where all the meetings were at my office, some where all the meetings were at the other attorney's office, some were all at a neutral site and some were at a financial professional's office.  The location is always set up for the convenience of the parties.

5.  Good chemistry.  This is the intangible.  Make sure you have a good feeling about the attorney.  Trust your gut on whether this is the right attorney for you.

If you follow through with these suggestions, you should end up with a good Collaborative lawyer and hopefully a more peaceful divorce experience.

What if There's No Collaborative Attorney in Your County?

Although Collaborative Law is spreading throughout Texas, there are still many counties that don't have trained Collaborative professionals.  Sometimes, in those under-served counties, people facing divorce are researching how to get divorced and uncover information about Collaborative Law.  Many of those people are intrigued, but then become frustrated because no one locally does Collaborative Law.  

Why don't all attorneys do Collaborative Law?

First, you should understand that attorneys need special training in order to be able to do Collaborative Law.  We normally go through a two-day basic training in the concepts and do a lot of role-playing to help learn the techniques and start to get comfortable.  An attorney without the training, technically can claim to do Collaborative Law,but they really won't have a "feel" for how it works.  They might be able to do an easy case, but will not be able to deal with difficult issues and difficult clients.  (Collaborative is not just for the "easy" cases.)

Some attorneys haven't learned enough about Collaborative Law to see its advantages.  Sometimes clients have to educate them.

Other attorneys are very comfortable with the current way they practice and just don't want to try something new.  That's very understandable and it's probably a good decision for them.

Some attorneys have heard about Collaborative Law and are opposed to it.  That seems to be a small group and my experience is that they don't really understand how and why the process works.  I also think they will usually come around and start practicing Collaborative Law when they see the market demand for it.  It's kinda the way mediation caught on in Texas in the 1980's and 1990's.

Sometimes there hasn't been convenient training in Collaborative Law.  That's a reality.  The Collaborative Law Institute of Texas (CLI-Tx) and various local groups have sponsored training and the State Bar of Texas has joined in as well, but it's hard to find two available days when there's a training at a convenient location.  For many attorneys, it's just a matter of time.

There's also a large group of neutral attorneys who are still waiting to see if Collaborative Law will "take off".  They are gradually getting the training, so there will be a bigger pool of attorneys in the future.

So, what can you do if there's no Collaborative attorney in your county?
In  some counties, you may be able to find Collaborative attorneys in an adjacent county.  For Example, many Collaborative attorneys in Tarrant County would be willing to work with parties from Parker County, Wise County, Johnson County, Ellis County or Hood County, and possibly other places.  Several years ago, another attorney and I did a Collaborative case for a Wichita Falls couple and met for meetings in Decatur.  You will find that Collaborative attorneys are enthusiastic about the process and will go out of their way to accommodate clients.

I believe, as demand grows, there will be more attorneys getting the training so they can do Collaborative cases.

The bottom line:  Look up the closest Collaborative attorney and discuss the situation.  You will always find someone willing to help if at all possible!

Why You Might Want Help in Negotiations

"Do it yourself" is a time-honored tradition for many things. Home improvements or repairs come to mind -- a good idea for a handyman, but not such a good idea for others, like me, without the talent and experience to know what to do or how to do it for projects above the basic level. On the other hand, there are lots of books and videos about how to do things without hiring expert help.

The "do it yourself" spirit has invaded the legal field, encouraged by forms, videos, web sites, blogs, e books and other books. There are also some non-lawyer services that provide help. Many people are willing to take on their own legal matters and it works out well for some of them. For others, there can be significant problems. How do you decide whether to step up and negotiate your own case? Here are some considerations.

1. Do you have the full information? Do you know what you need to know and how to get it? Most people don't, and it can be difficult sometimes, even for experienced lawyers. If you have all the needed information, you may not need help. If you are unprepared on the information, your result will suffer.

2. Is there equal information for both sides? Often, one party in a marriage tends to monopolize the information on all the financial issues or the children's matters. The other party can negotiate effectively only if he or she gets access to all the information.

3. Is there equal bargaining ability? Does one party have more experience or ability in bargaining? Sometimes one party does negotiations at work or has received special training in negotiations and that may give that party an unfair advantage. (It could be you or your spouse!)

4. Is there a power imbalance? If one party always seems to dominate the other, the submissive party is not going to do well in negotiations. Even with a mediator or some other facilitator, one spouse can easily intimidate the other prior to the negotiation sessions.

5. Is there equal motivation for both parties? If one spouse is more motivated than the other, the unmotivated one may get run over.

6. Has there been adequate preparation? One party may be pushing strongly to wrap everything up quickly, while the other may not be ready for a long time. The motivated one may have been preparing for a long time, emotionally and otherwise, and the other spouse may need more time to prepare. Without enough prep time, the negotiations are not going to go well.

7. Is there trust between the parties? There are different levels of trust, but a complete absence of trust and goodwill may doom any negotiations.

Bottom Line: If there are imbalances in the relation of the parties, the dominant one will very likely have a significant advantage in negotiations if the parties try to reach an agreement without using attorneys. Don't allow your spouse to pressure you into agreeing to negotiate if any of the problems above are present. Instead, talk to a lawyer and get some professional help. Attorneys have several methods, including Collaborative Law, available to resolve conflicts.

Other posts have explained the benefits of Collaborative Law. Look into it before deciding to negotiate for yourself. Collaborative Law addresses these issues by cooperatively gathering, sharing and analyzing information. The process involves professionals as neutrals who work for both parties and the attorneys. Any imbalances are leveled out by the professionals so that each party can work to achieve their goals and meet their needs.

You may be making your most important financial, family and legal decisions, and it's not a time to be cheap. Your future is on the line!

Planning Ahead

Waiting to file until after the holidays. At this time of the year, I have noticed that quite a few people who are about ready to file for divorce have decided to wait until after the holidays. Every year, we get really busy in January and February filing new divorces because people want the divorce, but don't want to mess up the holiday season. It's actually a good idea (usually) to wait. Here's why:

• If there are kids, they still have a chance to have a nice holiday; if there's fighting, however, that may not work out. Still, why mess up a major holiday and create a bad association with it for the rest of the child's life? Waiting to file for divorce keeps the possibility of kids enjoying the holidays.

• Taking a little more time gives you time to research your alternatives. Should you try Collaborative Law? Or mediation? Or stay with litigation? How do they work? What are their advantages and disadvantages?

• You can use a little extra time to gather resources for the radical change that's coming. Maybe you can save some money.

• You can also use the time to gather financial information and copy records.

• There's also an opportunity to take pictures of things around the house and elsewhere. Use the time to create some useful records and references.

• Do a little thinking and planning about what you want to end up with, what you need, what your may want, etc. Plan ahead!

• Make sure you are emotionally ready to pull the plug on your marriage. Is it really over? Have you done everything you can do, or want to do, to try to save it? For some people, this is a major consideration. If you are not sure, take your time.

So, there are obviously some good reasons to move carefully and slowly right now. If you choose to wait to file, you can still do some research on Collaborative Law -- one of the options for how to get a divorce -- by meeting with a Collaborative attorney.

A good way to start is to find some Collaborative attorneys where you live and research them on line. Check with friends or other attorneys to find out who is recommended in your area. In you live in Tarrant County, Texas, there are a number of good, experienced Collaborative attorneys. By meeting with an attorney now, you can plan ahead and protect yourself. You can also evaluate whether you are comfortable with the attorneys you visit.

Meeting with an attorney early allows you to make a more thoughtful decision on who you hire and how and when you proceed.

How to Choose a Collaborative Lawyer

Unfortunately, Collaborative lawyers are not as common as family law attorneys. Not all family law attorneys are trained in Collaborative Law. Even worse, some attorneys who advertise themselves to be Collaborative lawyers are not fully trained in Collaborative Law.

So, if you want to use a Collaborative Law attorney, how can you find one and how do you find the best one for you? Here are three simple steps you can follow.

1. Check around for a referral. You know that often referrals are the best ways to find professionals or stores or other providers of goods or services. You can have some confidence in hiring someone if s/he has been recommended by someone you know and trust. Good sources for Collaborative attorney referrals would include friends, counselors and attorneys. Hopefully, someone will have had some experience with a Collaborative attorney.

2. Research on the Internet. You need to find someone who is experienced and qualified (trained). It's also good to work with someone in your home county for convenience and to minimize travel expense for you and others. Look at web sites to find out how long each attorney has done Collaborative Law and how much and how recent their training is. (It's really helpful to get some additional training every year to keep the skills up.) You can also research the background of any referred attorneys. In Texas, we have the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas, a statewide organization (www.collablawtexas.com), an international group, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (www.collaborativepractice.com), and local groups (there are many local groups, but as an example-- www.aboutcollaborativepractice.com). Those web sites and others list trained Collaborative lawyers.

3. Meet with some attorneys in person. Again, focus on experience and training. You can ask whether they have handled similar Collaborative cases and how some issues are often resolved. Keep in mind that most experienced attorneys will charge a consultation fee.

Important: The biggest benefit of meeting with a prospective attorney in person is that you can get a sense of whether there would be good chemistry. Your personality and objectives should be a comfortable match with the attorney's. You don't need identical personalities, but both of you should feel good about working together.

Good luck in your search to find a compatible attorney for your Collaborative case.

Get a Second Opinion on Using Collaborative Law if....

Choosing the right attorney is a critical step in using Collaborative Law to help you resolve a family law issue. In any kind of legal matter, you have to carefully select your legal advisor and advocate, but with Collaborative Law, extra care is necessary. Collaborative Law attorneys receive additional training so they can learn new skills and a new mental approach to handling cases. We call it a "paradigm shift". We realize that Collaborative Law requires a different orientation by the lawyer. It's not just a question of whether we can negotiate effectively. Our whole approach to a case is radically different and lawyers who haven't been to at least a 2-day basic training in Collaborative Law don't have a clue about what we are really doing or how we approach cases differently.

Unfortunately, some lawyers who are not trained will claim to be Collaborative lawyers. Some do it because they are genuinely interested in the process and have been persuaded of its value by things they have read or heard. Others, however, claim to be Collaborative and then work hard to talk any potential client out of using Collaborative Law. Sometimes they put their uneducated opinions on their web sites, where it is obvious that they are strongly biased against Collaborative Law even though they claim to practice it. Others wait until the prospective client visits them and then the attorney verbally attacks Collaborative Law in general or as it would work in their case.

How to evaluate an attorney for handling a Collaborative case.

If you are searching for a Collaborative lawyer to help you in your case and you run into a lawyer who tries to convince you that Collaborative Law wouldn't be appropriate or wouldn't work in your case, you should look into these questions:

• Has the attorney had at least one 2-day basic training in Collaborative Law? Tip -- the more training the attorney has had, the better (for you). If the attorney hasn't been to a 2-day basic training, don't waste your time with him/her.

• Has the attorney had any Collaborative training recently? Recent training is always good. Some attorneys went to a basic training years ago and have never worked on a Collaborative case. A lack of experience combined with outdated training results in bad advice for you.
  

• How many Collaborative cases has the attorney handled? If there haven't been any and the attorney is trying to talk you out of using Collaborative Law, you should move on.

It is very true that not every case is a good candidate for Collaborative Law, but you need an unbiased, qualified attorney to help you decide if you should use Collaborative Law. If you meet with an attorney who tries to talk you out of using Collaborative Law, please do yourself a favor and get a second opinion from a qualified Collaborative Lawyer.


How do you find a good Collaborative lawyer? Get referrals from friends or lawyers and other professionals, and do research on the Internet. A good starting point is the list, with background information, on the CLI-Tx web site at www.collablawtexas.com. If you really want to try Collaborative Law (and you should!), don't take no for an answer from the first lawyer you meet with.