Is Your Long-Term Marriage Ending?

 

If you have been married for a long time or you are over 50 years of age and you are facing a divorce, you need to get active to protect yourself.  You have some big changes ahead of you.

Even if this is a surprise or your spouse is doing the wrong thing, you need to take steps to take care of yourself.  You will need help and support from others, but you can't sit back and wait to be rescued.

As you are getting acclimated to your situation, here are some steps you can take.

1. Work on a budget. As hard as it may be, you need to figure out your essential needs and how much they will cost. Obviously, you need to think about how to pay them. Don't worry about being perfect. Just start on figuring out the finances so you can see what your needs are.

2. Think about jobs. You may already have a job. If so, will your income stretch to cover your bills? If you don't have a job, what can you do to make a living?  You might have to take a part-time job if nothing is immediately available for you. Consider your income and needs, job qualifications and time schedule. If you have children at home, you will need to figure in your time commitment to them.

3. Be open to changing homes.  Should you keep or sell the house? What can you afford? Do you need to be near the kids, grandkids, work or friends? Some people don't want to move, but really can't afford to pay for the house they are currently in. Even if the other party is at fault, there's no guarantee you get to keep the house (or that you should!).

4. See a counselor. We can refer you to some excellent counselors who can help you try to make sense of  divorce. It's better in the long run for you to get quality help.

5.Consider Collaborative Divorce.  Divorces often have complicated issues that are better resolved over a period of time with some thoughtful creativity. You shouldn't be eager for an uninterested judge to make random decisions about your life. Wouldn't you rather work with qualified people and consider a wider range of options?  You should at least visit with an experienced Collaborative attorney.

[If you go see a "Collaborative" attorney who just tries to talk you out of using Collaborative, do yourself a favor and get a second opinion. Unfortunately, some attorneys advertise as Collaborative, but only use that to draw you in. Then they convince people to go back to litigation -- usually because that attorney doesn't do Collaborative cases after all.]