Are You Ready for Divorce?

Everyone has to decide on his or her own whether they are ready for divorce -- unless their spouse takes the first step and files. In that case, there must be a response.

But, let's talk about the situation where you are trying to decide whether to file for divorce.  How do you really decide?

First, you should think it through and not just react on impulse.  There are good reasons to file, in some cases. But there are also bad reasons to file.You need to keep things in perspective. Maybe you're mad or disappointed about something. You have to decide if it is the last straw or if it's something that's not such a big deal on second thought. Unless it's a safety issue, let a little time pass before you commit to filing. Think it over.

Second, talk with a counselor. You may need an outside perspective. A good counselor can help you think about things in different ways and put them in context. Maybe you have been in denial and you should file. Maybe an event was not so terrible once things calmed down. A counselor may be able to help you figure out other ways, short of divorce, to deal with the situation.

Third, consider talking with trusted friends or family members.  Another point of view from someone who knows and cares about you can be very helpful.  They may help you solidify your resolution to act or not act. Sharing the emotional load will also help with your stress level.

Here are some Cons to consider when trying to decide whether to divorce:

1.  Divorce will disrupt family relationships. That may seem obvious, but keep in mind that relations with many other people will be affected and you may lose out on friendships with members of your spouse's family.  If there are children involved, their lives will be changed in many ways. Transitions are often difficult after divorce.

2.  Financial difficulties are common. It's difficult to run two households on the funds that had been used to pay the bills for just one. It has to be done, but there are normally cutbacks. You may have a hard time until the finances are figured out.

3.  You need to be emotionally ready.  Try to think and plan for the changes ahead. You will probably be lonely, mad and worried at different times. You will have a lot of adjustments to make.

Here are some Pros for filing.

1.  You may be  leaving an unpleasant or unsafe relationship. It may be hard to take the step, but it will be worth it in most cases. You need to protect yourself and your children.

2.  You may have just drifted apart. You may be leaving a relationship where you don't hate or dislike each other. With a divorce, you will both be better off and have a chance for a better relationship.

3.  If your spouse has started a new relationship, you need to move on, too.  You have to face facts. There's very little chance of reconciliation when a new significant other is in place.

What's the best thing you can do to help decide whether to file for divorce? 

Go see an experienced family law attorney.  Together, you should be able to come to a decision.

By the way, a good attorney will sometimes advise you to wait a while before filing. 

So, think it over. Talk it over. Take some time, if you can. Consider the advantages and disadvantages to you. Then make your decision and stay with it. If you want to stay together, you should get counseling since you have been this close to divorce.

Good Luck!