Why Do We All Meet in the Same Room?

One of the key elements of Collaborative Law is that we have meetings with both parties in the same room with both attorneys, plus the Mental Health Professional (MHP) and the Financial Professional (FP).  We encourage direct, respectful communication between the parties and the professionals.

Occasionally, some people are a little hesitant to commit to sitting next to, or even across the table from, the spouse they are splitting with.

This is another aspect of Collaborative Law that sounds difficult, but which normally works well and usually helps some wounds heal.

Why does it work?

1.  MHP: A big part of the MHP's role is to manage the discussions and help the two parties improve their communication skills so they can effectively participate in the process.  The MHP will redirect one or both parties, as needed, and can call a timeout if someone appears uncomfortable or some other problem shows up. Plus, the MHP discusses rules of conduct with the two parties to reinforce the expectations of their conduct.

2.  Attorneys:  In addition to the MHP, there are two specially-trained attorneys cooperating, helping lead the process and acting as role models for the parties.  The attorneys act very differently than they would in a litigated divorce.

3.  FP:  Having the neutral FP also adds to the security and integrity of the process.  Perceptions of a power imbalance between the parties can change because the FP can control the gathering and review of financial records, making sure that everything is produced and accurate.  The FP also takes a lot of the emotion out of the financial discussions.

4.  Planning:  With the Collaborative process, we initially determine the goals and needs for each party, then have meetings that are planned out and which follow set agendas.  Minutes are kept and there are discussions before and after the joint meetings, so the professionals keep on top of any issues and make sure that we all stay on track and don't wander off to upsetting unscheduled topics.

If you are considering using Collaborative Law to work out a divorce, don't worry about being in the same room with your spouse, even if one or both of you are upset.  The process is set up with many safeguards to make sure everyone is comfortable and safe  working together. Please talk with your attorney about any concerns you may have.