Why Some People Put Off Starting a Collaborative Divorce

By now, you may have figured out your marriage is not going to last. The questions are when and how the divorce will take place.

Some people, when faced with that situation, put off deciding.  Others will explore their options, but become paralyzed because there are too many choices.  Still others make quick decisions, but based on emotion or bad information.

Sometimes, people make an initial decision to file for divorce and then put off getting started.  If you find yourself in that position, let me address some misconceptions about Collaborative Divorce that may be stalling your momentum.

Here are some mistaken ideas people have about the Collaborative process, with an explanation about the reality for each.

1. They believe they need everything agreed before they start the process.  Wrong.  The Collaborative Divorce process is a method used to resolve disputes.  It's a great way to create solutions for sharing time with the kids or dividing the assets.  Collaborative is used to help the parties make decisions.

2. The parties don't get along. That's not unusual since they're getting divorced, but it doesn't keep them from working in the Collaborative process.  Having the neutral mental health professional work with both parties helps them learn to listen and communicate better as well as generally behave better in joint meetings.  Unless there are serious threats of violence, most behavior issues can be managed with two attorneys working with the therapist to keep order. It doesn't get better in court.

3.  They don't have all the information.  Actually, one of the early steps in the Collaborative Divorce process is to gather information.  The neutral financial professional takes charge of identifying, gathering, organizing and evaluating the financial information for the parties.  It is a very efficient process and it's great to have an extra set of expert eyes looking at the financial records.

4. Someone doesn't understand the process.  Any attorney trained in Collaborative Law will be happy to explain the process to a prospective client.  Some will do a free consultation on the process choices available to clients for divorce.  If you or your spouse  doesn't understand how Collaborative Law works, read some more in this Blog or on my web site, or you can check Collaborativedivorce.com.

5.   Some people don't think they need Collaborative lawyers because they can agree on everything on their own.  Sometimes it works, but more often, problems develop.  After all, if they could agree on everything, they wouldn't be getting a divorce.  What happens frequently is that one party decides how things should be done and then insists that the spouse go along with it.  That's not a good idea for the "non-deciding" spouse.  Collaborative Law gives a much better opportunity for both parties to participate in working out the agreement. A one-sided agreement won't work well in the long run.

If you find yourself thinking any of the statements above, please talk with a Collaborative Law attorney and help yourself.  You'll appreciate it afterwards.