Thursday, October 1, 2015

What to Do if You Are Uncertain

People come to a decision about filing for divorce in different ways.  Some are unexpectedly confronted with a demand or request for a divorce. Others think about it for a long time before making a decision.  Still others want to talk to someone about the best course of action. Some want to come up with a specific plan of action before beginning. And there may be other steps followed by other people.

This post is for those people who have started considering divorce, but just aren't yet sure whether to go that route or to stay and try to fix the marriage.  If you find yourself wondering what to do, here are some suggestions.

1.  Find an attorney.  Yes, be prepared to pay for a consultation if you want to have a serious discussion of the pros and cons.  A good family lawyer will not try to talk you into a divorce.  Experienced lawyers know that there are sometimes good reasons to stay in what has become a difficult relationship, as long as your safety is not compromised. You can talk to your friends, neighbors, hair dresser, relatives and others, but they won't have the same educated and broad overview that an attorney will have.

2.  Discuss the processes and possible outcomes.  There are different ways to get divorced, not just the common way of litigating in court.  One size doesn't fit all.  You should try to understand your options and figure out which would be best for your situation.  Again, don't rely on your friends for this information.  An attorney will be able to compare litigation to mediation to Collaboration to informal negotiations. It's OK to take some time to think it over.

3.  Decide on your timing. It may be better financially to wait a while or it may be better to go ahead and file so you can finish before the end of the year.  On the other hand, maybe you should wait since your needs and expenses may change over time. Or, it may take a while for you to decide whether you really want to move forward on a divorce. Choose what benefits your situation best.

Take your time.  Get help.  Look at the situation from different angles.

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