Friday, December 15, 2017

Finding Peace on Earth During Divorce

During December each year, there is always a lot of talk about "Peace on Earth".  Anyone in a bad marriage knows that marriages can be very un-peaceful.  For those in bad marriages, it may be the seasonal talk about peace that motivates them to file for divorce in January or February.

During any time of the year, peace is actually a consideration for getting divorced.  Here are some suggestions if you are looking for a peaceful solution to a difficult marriage.

1.  Remember that most divorces have conflict.  But, you can try to minimize the conflict. Be respectful of each other.  Consider each other's point in view.  Understand that neither party is likely to get everything they want.  Knowing there will be some conflict, you should act like an adult and disagree politely and respectfully.  Avoiding anger will pay off in the long run.

2.  You have a choice: be constructive or make it worse.  If you react in anger, you're choosing the second option.  If you can pause and make a thoughtful response to provocation, you will make the situation better.  Don't get dragged down into fighting. Maybe you can elevate your spouse's behavior. You know the buttons to push to upset your spouse, but you probably also know how to get your spouse in a good mood.  Chose the high road.

3.  Think about the life you want post-divorce.  Plan ahead.  Come up with a reasonable approach that can help meet your needs, but also make it possible for your spouse to feel like a winner on issues important to him/her.

4.  Choose the Collaborative Law process. If you have significant  issues about property division or children, the Collaborative process can be very helpful for you and your family.  It's better to resolve those issues in a controlled, safe and respectful environment.  Those are important matters and you need help.

5.  Hire a trained and experienced Collaborative attorney.  If you go see an attorney who tries to tell you that he/she does Collaborative work, but your case is not appropriate, do yourself a favor and get a second opinion from an attorney who has a lot of experience with Collaborative cases.  Unfortunately, some attorneys do a bait and switch. Other attorneys try to talk you out of using Collaborative either because they aren't trained in it or because they don't make as much money doing Collaborative work as they do with litigation.  I see very few cases that couldn't go Collaborative. Get a second opinion if someone tries to say you shouldn't use Collaborative Law!

If you follow the above suggestions, you have a good chance of having a peaceful divorce.  Good luck!

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