Why Does Collaborative Law Work?

Sometimes just explaining the Collaborative process isn't enough to convey how great a process it is. I have seen statistics showing successful outcomes in 85-90% of the cases where Collaborative Law was used.

So, why does it work?  Here are some of the reasons.  

1.  We have a team of professionals working together.  In a typical Collaborative case (at least in North Texas), we utilize at least four professionals:  2 attorneys, a neutral financial advisor and a neutral therapist who manages the Joint Meetings and also usually helps the parties put together a parenting plan.  Sometimes, we have a separate "child specialist" who helps the parties with the parenting plan.  All team members have training in Collaborative Law and experience in their fields outside of the Collaborative Divorce context. An experienced team of Collaborative professionals adds a tremendous value to the process.

2.  There is a focus on solutions, not fighting.  This is part of the contrast with litigation. We don't waste time assigning blame or accusing each other of various misdeeds. Obviously, if we're dealing with a couple divorcing, there have been misdeeds by both sides. Instead of looking backward, we focus on creating a better future for both parties.

3.  There is a lot of direct communication. This happens at meetings, most often under the supervision of the neutral mental health professional.  Part of what happens in the process is that both parties learn and practice better communication skills.  Most couples finish the process better able to talk about important matters without fighting.  That's especially important when there are children.

4.  The process lends itself to flexibility and creativity.  We are not bound to use standard solutions and statutory guidelines.  We start by focusing on what the parties want and need.  Then, we gather information and finally start choosing solutions to fit the circumstances of the parties. We have been very successful in getting Judges to approve highly customized solutions that our clients came up with.

5.  You and your spouse get to decide. You know what your needs are and your spouse does, too.  Instead of letting a disinterested Judge impose arbitrary and standard answers to everything, you get to come up with solutions you like and we make them the terms of the Decree of Divorce. You have the power to determine the details of your life after divorce and that is much better than turning it over a Judge to decide.


These are just some of the reasons why Collaborative Law works.  Yes, I am a fan of the process.  If you are facing divorce or have some other legal issue to be resolved, do yourself a favor and talk to a trained Collaborative lawyer about whether Collaborative Law could be used in your case.  I'll bet it can be!

Do You Really Want to Settle?

At the start of a divorce, some people think about whether they should try to settle the case or just get ready to fight.  Usually, those people have not been through a divorce and don't know how to settle and don't know the costs of fighting.  In this post, I would like to focus on settling.  The costs of fighting are enormous and the result is not worth the cost in my view.

Why settle?  There are lots of reasons.

• You can get the case resolved now, rather than letting it drag out for a year or more.
• Save money.  It costs much less to focus on settling.  Fighting involves having extra hearings, filing a lot of  motions and doing discovery.  Those actions involve a lot of attorney time and fees and they get everyone stirred up. After all of the fighting is done, the parties usually end up settling, but with much less to be divided.
• You can focus on getting what you really need or value, rather than just ending up with an arbitrary percentage share of everything.
• There's a chance both parties will be satisfied with the result. 

So, if you're interested in the idea of settling, what can you do to improve your chances for success?

• Be prepared.  Think ahead about how you want to end up.  Think about how to persuade your spouse to agree to what you want. Gather documents that you will need to negotiate.  Do your homework and come to meetings prepared to discuss the topics that are scheduled.
• Be open-minded.  There is more than one way to do things.  Be able to consider other alternatives than the one you favor.
• Work with an attorney.  In a divorce, you are dividing all the family's assets and liabilities.  You are often making plans for the children for the next 10 to 15 years. You need to have an experienced professional to help you figure out your options and make the best decisions.
• Try the Collaborative process and work with a neutral financial professional (FP) and neutral therapist (MHP).  The FP provides expert assistance to you in handling the property issues.  As well has helping put together a parenting plan when there are children involved, the MHP helps manage the joint meetings to improve communication between the parties. You know how easy it is to get angry at your spouse, or for your spouse to get angry with you, when you are discussing important matters. The MHP is very effective in keeping the peace.
• Talk often with your attorney.  If you are concerned that the Collaborative process will be, or has become, too stressful, discuss the situation with your attorney.  An experienced Collaborative attorney can help reassure you and suggest actions that can help.
• Focus on the important goals.  Obviously, some things are more important than others.  Be willing to trade off some issues or other things.
• Remember the importance of helping your spouse also "win", so you have a "win-win" situation.  Not only does that increase the chances for success, but it will make the post-divorce relationship much better.

For most professionals who work in the family law field, and for most people who have been through a divorce, the choice between fighting or settling is pretty obvious.  Hopefully, if you are facing that decision, you will choose the course that is best for you.

Can You Negotiate Your Own Divorce?

The short answer is yes, but. There's always a but. On your own, you may make mistakes on some important issues.  To try to negotiate your own divorce without professional help, you should have only a very limited and simple estate, and probably no kids. 

Depending on your situation, you may want to try the Collaborative divorce process as an alternative to make sure your divorce is handled right and the result is keyed to meeting your needs.

 Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are considering a DIY divorce.

1.  Do you have the information you need?  That would be complete and current records on the finances and information about what to expect regarding your kids.  You may also want some past records on financial accounts if you have concerns about what happened in the past.

    Do you have some assurance that you have the complete and correct information?  Is something being withheld?  Do you have just partial information? Are you relying on what your spouse tells you?  Do you know what you don't know about?

2.  Do you have adequate time, without pressure, to negotiate?  Often, one party gets in a big hurry to finish.  That's often the party who controls the information.  An impatient spouse can make negotiating very uncomfortable if you are doing it on your own.

3.  Do you understand the law and the issues you are dealing with?  Many of the issues are quite complicated and subtle distinctions must by made.  Omissions or wrong decisions can be very expensive.

4.  Are there any issues that your spouse refuses to negotiate?  That can happen if one spouse believes he or she is right or that they might be treated unfairly, from their point of view. Without professionals intervening, one spouse may say that some things on non-negotiable.

5.  Do you feel equal power in the negotiating with you spouse?  If not, you may be in for a rough time.  Sometimes the weaker spouse just caves in to get it over with, and they lose out on things they should have gotten.

6.  Do you think negotiating will be simple?  It usually isn't.

7.  What should you do about the house? Sell it?  Jointly own it post-divorce?  Let one party keep it?  How will the mortgage be paid in the future?  This can be both an emotional issue and a financially draining situation.

8.  Is alimony an issue?  That's often a hot-button issue and often both parties are misinformed about the law on alimony.

9.  Do you know what to do about health insurance? Everybody needs a policy now. Both parties often start out on a single policy during a marriage. When the divorce is final, one party has to get off the old policy and then get coverage somewhere.  Plus, provision to cover the children is necessary?  How are those policies paid for?  There are lots of decisions to be made.

10.  Do you know what to do about Social Security and retirement assets?  These are very complicated and involve what might be the biggest assets.  Mistakes can have serious consequences later in life.

Bottom Line:  Unless you have an unusually small and uncontroversial estate, you should hire an attorney to help you negotiate your divorce.  Keep in mind that Collaborative Law provides a safe process and lots of professional support when you need it.  When you are deciding how to proceed, be sure to at least consult with a trained Collaborative lawyer to see if that process would benefit you.  Good luck!

Is Collaborative Divorce Right for You?

Process option choices:  There are now several  different approaches to getting divorced:

• There's the traditional litigation model where you go to court, early and often in many cases.
• Another possibility is sitting around the kitchen table and making decisions like reasonable adults.  That won't always work, but it can be great.  
• Another option is mediation, where you have a neutral 3rd party working with both spouses to help them reach an agreement, but the mediator cannot give legal advice to either party. 
• The newest approach is Collaborative Law where the spouses each hire specially trained attorneys who don't go to court with their clients. Usually, a neutral therapist and a neutral financial advisor  help the parties.  There is a regular step-by-step process involving a series of meetings to reach peaceful agreements.

Reasons to try Collaborative:  So, how can you tell if Collaborative Divorce is the right process for you to use?  It may be if any of the following are concerns to you.

• Privacy
• Control over the timing
• Control over the outcome
• Less stress
• Not having to accept arbitrary or standard solutions
• The ability to create out-of-the-box solutions
• Equalizing power
• Needing expert help on children's issues
• Needing expert help on financial issues
• Wanting to be able to speak up in a safe environment
• Preserving relationships between parents

Other considerations: 

1.  Are you willing and able to negotiate, work and compromise with your spouse?  In a Collaborative case, keep in mind that the negotiations and work with your spouse take place with a team of two attorneys, a neutral therapist and a neutral financial professional (on financial issues).  If you don't want to negotiate and participate, you may want to turn everything to a Judge who doesn't know you and who will probably default to a standard or guidelines approach.

2.  You don't get your day in court in the Collaborative process.  Instead, you do get to fully express yourself in front of your spouse in a safe environment.   Plus, in a Collaborative setting, your opinion and choices matter.  You fully participate in fashioning the terms of your divorce. "Your day in court" is not really very valuable. It's mostly symbolic.  Stating what you want in court doesn't give any assurance that you will get it.

3.  Collaborative Divorces are not cheap, but they're good value.  Litigated divorces aren't cheap either.  In general, litigation can be a lot more expensive.  It usually lasts longer than Collaboration. When experts are used, there are usually two, instead of one.  In litigation, you have two attorneys doing things that are done by a single, less-expensive expert in Collaborative cases.  Collaborative Divorces utilize resources much more efficiently than litigation generally does.

If you are about to start up a divorce, you should carefully consider what process to use.  As you are gathering information, be sure to talk with a trained Collaborative attorney who can discuss all your process options and help you decide which is best for your situation.  Good luck!

Why to Consider Collaborative Law

Whether you are facing the start of a divorce or other family law matter, or you are already unhappily experiencing a litigated family law matter, you should be aware that there is a more peaceful, less stressful, more creative alternative to litigation.

There are actually many reasons why people choose to use the Collaborative Law process.  Here is a checklist of some of the reasons.  If any of the reasons appeal to you and you are facing a divorce, you should consult with an experienced Collaborative attorney. It's best to start in the process, but you can always switch over in mid-stream if both parties have Collaborative-trained attorneys.

• Privacy: You don't want your finances or personal behaviors out in public.  Many people don't want publicity and are concerned for their jobs.  Public officials, professionals, business leaders, professional sports figures and others usually prefer that their private lives not be opened up in public.

• Need unusual terms:  Courts tend to use standard guidelines and approaches, but many people need special consideration that's not available in court.  It might be alimony, even if they don't technically qualify for it, or special visitation schedules because of unusual work schedules, or special consideration with the children or unusual cooperative agreements to keep a joint business going without taking it apart in a property division.  Collaborative agreements can be a lot more flexible and creative than court is.

• Control timing:  Courts almost always will impose a scheduling order if the case doesn't move quickly to resolution. That schedule often stretches out for a year before the final trial date.  With Collaborative Law, on average, cases usually can be finished in 3 to 6 months, but can be done more quickly or more slowly, depending on the needs and desires of the parties.  A Collaborative case can be pending for up to 2 years without a court interfering with it.

• You want a civil, peaceful process:  Litigation is a combative system not based on cooperation. Litigation attorneys must follow the rules and deadlines of the system and they depend on having a variety of hearings that can get pretty ugly.  Collaborative Law uses a series of short meetings and in Texas, we normally use a neutral therapist as a communication specialist who helps both parties work together effectively.

• You want to make your own decisions:  Litigation leaves most decisions ultimately to the judge, or the attorneys make agreements based on what they believe the judge would rule.  In Collaborative Law, parties make their own decisions.

• Want a neutral Financial Professional to help you understand the financial issues and options: In litigation, in some cases, each party will hire their own financial advisor, but most of the time, they don't use one.  In Collaborative Law cases, we normally use one neutral advisor for both parties in every case.

• You want to offset a power advantage by your spouse:  It's very common in litigation for one party to have more power than the other because the party has knowledge, experience or information, or maybe has physically intimidated the other party.  In Collaborative, the neutral experts prevent such imbalances by sharing information and educating both parties.  Intimidation is not allowed to be used.

• You want to be sure you get all the information you need for making decisions: In litigation, it's not unusual for one party to hide information. It rarely happens in Collaborative Law because we have an extra set of eyes reviewing the finances for everyone and we have open disclosure of relevant information.  Kid issues are worked through with the communication specialist or sometimes with a child specialist who are very experienced.

• You want a more efficient process:  Litigation is  pretty inefficient.  Cases often have multiple temporary hearings. Information is usually gathered by the inefficient and over broad Discovery process which requests much more information than is necessary.  Collaborative Law has a step-by-step process that is followed in a series of short meetings that have agendas that are followed.  The process generally takes a lot less time than Litigation.

• You want to keep a good relationship with your spouse:  Litigation pits each spouse against the other.  One wins and other loses.  In Collaborative cases, the parties work to achieve mutually beneficial goals.  With creative solutions, we avoid the old win-lose scenario.

• You want to minimize fighting over the children:  Standard options in litigation often lead to unnecessary fighting over the kids.  Instead of finding ways to cooperative, as in Collaborative, litigators often are in custody fights or fights over the number of days per week they see the kids.  With the child specialist or communication specialist, Collaborative parents work informally to create plans that they are both happy with.

• You want to improve your communication with your ex:  Improved communication in litigation means sending messages through your lawyer rather than sending ugly text messages or using the kids as messengers.  In Collaborative Law, we work on listening skills and practice how to say things in less offensive ways so that reasonable discussions can be held.