Why Collaborative Law is a More Civilized Process for Divorce

Some people facing the prospect of a divorce are angry and want to punish their spouse, regardless of the cost and how it may affect their lives after they are divorced. Others search for a low-key, civilized way to split the sheets and go their separate ways. Those who do not want a destructive, expensive and stressful experience are beginning to turn to Collaborative Law when they learn about it. The process is not yet widely known among the public, but it is gaining more and more fans as they learn about it and try it out.

If you are looking for a nicer alternative to traditional litigation, here are some reasons why Collaborative Law may be your answer.

1. Collaborative Law involves negotiations that are interest-based. That means that the parties ignore traditional guidelines or formulas to come up with agreements. Instead of staking out extreme opening positions and working toward an arbitrary middle ground, the parties identify their goals, needs and interests at the first joint meeting and then follow up to make sure that any solutions that are discussed are consistent and supportive of those goals. A purpose of the process is to help the parties meet their most important needs.

2. The process works through a series of relatively short meetings. Here in Tarrant County, our Collaborative meetings usually run for 1 1/2 to 2 hours each. We don't have marathon sessions (like mediations usually do) because people get tired and don't function as well when there are 3-5 hour meetings. We have agendas that are created for each session and we can take breaks as needed. The meetings are nothing like court and very informal. We do what we can to reduce the stress of meetings, but we can always at least keep them short.

3. In Fort Worth and Tarrant County cases, we normally use a neutral mental health professional (MHP) as a communication facilitator. That's a broad responsibility which covers a lot of territory. We have excellent, experienced therapists who regularly work with us, which makes our team of professionals more effective. The MHP doesn't do therapy with the parties, but she/he does meet with the parties together or individually, as needed, and lends invaluable assistance at the joint meetings. On more than one occasion, when the other attorney and I hadn't noticed any problem, I have seen the MHP speak up and help one of the parties who was feeling slighted or attacked or distressed for some reason. A therapist is an extra layer of protection for the parties in a very difficult time in their lives.

4. The Collaborative process helps maintain a balance of power between the two sides. In some marriages, one spouse tends to dominate the other, generally or on certain issues. For example, one spouse may control the finances and the other spouse may not know much at all about them. In that type situation, the attorneys help keep balance, but an even larger help comes from the neutral financial professional (FP) who works for both parties. The FP will make sure that there is a thorough investigation and reporting on the finances, regardless of who ran the show in the past. It is a unique dynamic not found in litigated cases. Likewise, the MHP makes sure that there's no bullying and undue pressure or unfair tactics being used.

5. The financial professional also helps the parties with tax and other financial issues that need to be addressed during the divorce. The FP is specially trained in Collaborative Law and is familiar with Texas divorce law, so she/he can understand and explain various options, as well as tax consequences. Working together, the parties can often create tax savings that are ignored or impossible in litigated divorces where there is little cooperation.

For people wanting a more rational, civilized approach to divorce, Collaborative Law is likely the answer. It has been called the "kinder, gentler process" and it really is.

Special Note: If you are interested in finding a Collaborative lawyer, be sure to check the experience and training in Collaborative Law of the lawyer you visit. A trained Collaborative professional should have, at a minimum, a 2-day basic training and then 1 or 2 trainings a year after the initial one. Unfortunately, some non-Collaborative attorneys advertise about Collaborative Law and then just talk prospective clients out of it. While Collaborative won't work for everyone, you might get a second opinion if an attorney just tries to talk you out of it.